Sexy Feast: Kylie’s Chicago Pizza Fills Your Mouth and Makes You Moan

kylies_pizza_crop_363Last week, Sexy Feast took me to Queen Margherita in Magnolia for thin-crust, Neapolitan-style pizza. This week, in celebration of National Pizza Week, I wanted more pizza, but something a little different.

Luckily, last month I purchased a Seattle Weekly VOICE Daily Deal for Kylie’s Chicago Pizza. For $12, I had $24 to spend, which would cover any of the nine Chicago-style, deep dish pizzas. I went with the “Combo.” The cornmeal crust stands tall, holding a layer of cheese and lots of chunky tomato sauce. The Combo is stuffed with fillings: pepperoni, sweet fennel sausage, onions, green bell peppers, mushrooms, and black olives. It’s a beauty to behold, and will certainly make you wonder, “How am I going to take this whole thing in?”

So what does Kylie’s Chicago-style pizza teach us about sex?

It’s all about deciding whether to go deep.

As I’m from Long Island, my preferred pizza is New York-style. You grab a slice, fold it so the edges almost meet, let the grease drip down to the paper plate, and then eat out of hand. That said, deep dish pizza is fun for a change, as it’s impressive in its heft, with the meaty version like a “masculine quiche.” But not everyone is as accepting of both styles as me, even with my bias. In the eating out battle of Chicago versus New York, some people like going deep, while others gag on the thought.

It’s the same with oral pleasuring, including fellatio.

Many people enjoy deep kissing. A probing tongue plays inside each partner’s mouth, and the swirling of tongues excites the many nerve endings they contain. Others, though, are uncomfortable with this and keep the kissing to the lips, as if seeing another’s tongue as a snake, and saliva as venom.

And then there’s deep throating, a form of fellatio in which the penis is taken deep into the partner’s mouth, reaching the throat. This can cause a gag reflex, which might ultimately be unpleasant for both parties. The “insertee” may enjoy deep throating, though it’s possibly from the satisfaction of providing (perceived) pleasure to his or her partner. Note that the act doesn’t have to be uncomfortable for the insertee. Training helps. Certain positions tend to be more comfortable in relaxing the throat, such as lying on the back with the head just off the bed and tipped downward, which levels the mouth and throat closer to a straight line.

For the “insertor,” the thrill may also be more psychological than physical. This comes from a sense that the partner is really into him and his penis by demonstrating a desire to completely “devour” the penis. In actuality, though, most of the stimulation comes from the lips and the tongue, so deep throating can be under-stimulating and overrated.

As with choosing pizza, the decision to go deep is a personal one. You’ll want to discuss it with your companion, but in the end, you must feel comfortable with your choice. Fortunately, through thick and thin, there are many paths to pleasure.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on January 12, 2012.

And here’s more, excerpted from my piece at as my second of a month-long Pizza Parlor Friday Holler:

Back when airplane travel was much easier, I’d dash out of O’Hare Airport during long layovers to pick up a deep-dish pizza. If I planned my time wisely, I could count on the “L” to take me to places like Giordano’s or Gino’s East, returning in time to stuff myself with stuffed pizza on the plane, making my seatmates jealous.

Kylie’s is much closer than Chicago, though you’ll need to consider your time here as well. The menu advises a 25-minute wait for a deep-dish pizza. Some people call in their order ahead of time, though if you’re eating in, you’ll also need to consider table availability, as Kylie’s is a small space that can get crowded. (It will seem even smaller if you’re stuck listening to two tables with babies screaming in stereo. Parents, have you considered take-out?)

kylies_wings_640_357To fill the wait time and to fulfill a hungry stomach, I started with chicken wings. The menu promised over a pound of wings (they were mostly drummies) with baby carrots (easier to prep than celery, I suppose) and a choice of ranch or blue cheese dressing, all for $9. With nine wings on the plate, they came to one dollar apiece, and they disappointed as “Buffalo” style, lacking the crispy “seal” of a deep-fried wing (these were slightly soggy) as well as the spicy punch.

Fortunately, Kylie’s did Chicago better than it did Buffalo. (There are also thin-crust pizzas available, but if at Chicago-style joint, what’s the point?) In a meaty mood, thoughts of sausage and pepperoni prevailed as I went with the “Combo.” The 10-inch pie ($18; there’s also a 12-inch version for $24) sets you up with six pork-filled slices that also include green peppers, onions, mushrooms, and black olives.

It’s a colossal affair, and in contrast to the New York-style slice that you pick up, fold (letting the extra grease run down to the paper plate), and eat out of hand, Chicago-style means utensils. The tall slice stands strong due to the thick crust, which requires a little light sawing with a knife. That crust, made with cornmeal, is a bit buttery and slightly tangy. With all of the fillings (including the chunky tomato sauce), I felt like I was eating more of a quiche than a pizza.

The sausage pieces were larger than I like, with those at the top of the pie a little overcooked and dried out. Next time, I’ll probably revert back to my preferred, basic cheese pie. But overall, the pizza was pretty good, with two slices sufficient for dinner—leaving the third slice (it reheats well, pleasing to this person who prefers not to eat cold pizza) as a bonus for breakfast the next day.

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