Sexy Feast: Getting Delightfully Dirty at Table 219

table 219_beet_salad_695Sometimes I have a restaurant on my to-do list to eat something specific. And sometimes, for whatever reason, I get to that restaurant and don’t bother to eat that dish.

I’d been waiting to try the maple-glazed pork belly with corn pancake at Capitol Hill’s Table 219 for a long time. The dish has gotten good reviews, and I absolutely love the delicious fattiness of a beautiful block of pork belly.

But the day before, I’d ordered pork belly at a Chinese restaurant in New York. Much to my surprise, the dish came with eight cubes of it. With a bellyful of belly, my object of desire at Table 219 would have to wait.

Craving vegetables as part of our simple meal, my partner and I chose a chopped salad and a sandwich to share. The salad contained beets, cucumber, tomato, and bell peppers, and was tossed with a lime-cumin vinaigrette. Refreshing.

The sandwich was made with poached pear & Taleggio cheese, served on crispy sourdough bread. This was fun, featuring the aged, meaty richness of the cheese countered by the fresh fruitiness of the pear.

So what does a combination of Table 219’s chopped salad and poached pear & Tallegio cheese sandwich teach us about sex?

It’s all about making the best of (and enjoying) a sticky and potentially stain-y situation.

table_219_sandwich_696I love beets, though they can stain everything in sight, including cutting board, counter, and fingers. Meanwhile, what’s not to love about Tallegio cheese? It’s slightly stinky, sticky, and a melty thing (especially in this sandwich). Taken together, there’s great potential for a messy affair.

It’s the same with sex.

Some people like their sex to be neat and clean, organized and tidy. If this is you, then find a partner with whom you’re compatible on this front.

But other people like their sex to be ooey, gooey, sticky, stainy, melty, and messy. That’s the reality of how sex can be.

This comes to the dismay of some. I know a high school teacher who got in trouble for telling his students that “sex is wet.”

It is. There could be blood, sweat, and tears. Usually there’s saliva. There will certainly be bodily fluids, like semen and vaginal fluids, and maybe even female ejaculate, which can be geyser-like. And then there’s lubricant, natural or man-made. Maybe massage oil. Bottles spill. Liquids leak, ooze, drip, and spurt.

Be prepared. You might want tissues and towels at the ready. Or maybe even rubber sheets. Why not “plate” your bed as carefully as a chef plates even things as simple as a sandwich or a salad?

(Table 219 just announced a name change to Americana in a couple of months. Messy, but like messy sex, maybe a good thing.)

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on October 6, 2011.

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