Paseo

Sato’s burgers are based on tonkatsu, a panko-breaded, deep-fried pork cutlet typically served with shredded cabbage, rice, miso soup, and some Japanese pickles. Both the pork and the cabbage are delicious with a squiggle of sweet and tangy tonkatsu sauce, though I also like my pork with some karashi. (Karashi is spicy Japanese mustard, which I think would be a killer ingredient if introduced to Katsu’s burgers.)

Katsu Burger offers a choice of deep-fried meats for their burgers. While beef and chicken (there’s also tofu) are options, pork is classic for katsu, so I’m a bit surprised that the first, basic burger on the menu is beef—and is called Tokyo Classic. It’s simply the patty with Japanese mayonnaise and tonkatsu sauce on the bun ($6.95), topped (like all the burgers) with shredded cabbage, tomatoes, red onions, and pickles. The menu says meat substitutions are fine, but a newbie might not realize this. In the future, I’ll go with a pork version of the Tokyo Classic—it’s what I recommend to others—but first visit, I got these:

Wabi Wasabi (beef patty, pepper jack, wasabi mayonnaise, and tonkatsu sauce, $7.55)

Ninja Deluxe (pork cutlet, cheddar, bacon, Japanese mayonnaise, and tonkatsu sauce, $8.25)

The beef, batter-fried with juices sealed in, was fun to try, but I much preferred the pork. “We use natural pork loin (no added growth hormones or antibiotics), which is more expensive but definitely worth it,” Sato explained, adding, “We brine and season it to make it tender and tasty.”

Tender and tasty indeed. Pounding the pork contributed to this, and also made the katsu burger quite sexy.

Should you be unable to choose between meats, you can climb all the way up to a Mt. Fuji, featuring a beef patty, pork cutlet, and chicken breast along with ham, bacon, two cheeses, and other fixings ($16.25). There are also choices of sides for the burgers, which you can combine to make meal deals. An Ichi-ban (+$3.15) gets you seasoned fries (either curry or nori-seasoned), one dipping sauce, and a regular drink—which can be upgraded to a shake (+$2.50). I recommend the nori fries and a green tea milkshake for an amazing East-meets-West fast food meal that’s actually made to order.

If you’re really hungry, you can opt for a Ni-ban meal (+$5.15), which adds a side of wasabi coleslaw to your Ichi-ban order. And if you want to go really crazy, you can “Sumo size it!” with Banzai bites (six chicken “tenders”), fries, cole slaw, slaw, two dipping sauces, and a regular drink for an additional $7.95, which likely exceeds the cost of your burger. Now you’re eating like a real American.

Note: If you missed the link above, here’s my explanation of what makes Katsu Burger’s Ninja Deluxe (and all the pork burgers) so sexy.

They’re available in beef, chicken, and tofu varieties, but if you want classic katsu, you have to go pork. I chose the Ninja Deluxe: a pork cutlet with cheddar, bacon, Japanese mayonnaise, and tonkatsu sauce. (All of the burgers come with shredded cabbage, tomatoes, red onion, and pickles.) Add nori fries (seaweed-seasoned) and a green tea milkshake, and you’ve got an amazing East-meets-West fast food meal that’s actually made to order.

So what does Katsu Burger’s Ninja Deluxe burger teach us about sex?

It’s all about the pleasure that results from spanking.

There are some secrets to success when it comes to the quality of a katsu burger. Perhaps most important is to pound the pork cutlet to ensure even thickness (it will look and taste better with even cooking and browning) and to break down the meat’s tough connective tissue. Spanking the meat with just the right pressure can tenderize it, preparing it for pleasure ahead.

It’s the same with sex.

Many people are into spanking, but are not sure how to broach the subject, let alone how to do it correctly. One thought is to suggest it or even do it gently and teasingly, sensing how the other person reacts.

Or you and your loved one can watch Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader in Secretary to see if that scene is a turn-on.

Why do people like spanking? Some like the sense of role-play, imagining boss/secretary and teacher/schoolboy or schoolgirl scenarios. Domination and submission play a part (and you thought you’d never be into BDSM!), with vulnerability building trust. And physically, it’s all about the many nerves which connect to the genital area. (Ever had a butt massage? It can be both relaxing and stimulating.)

So how do you do it? At first, it’s probably best to spank with an open hand, as the hand offers the most control, the spanker can feel the result, and you have a skin-on-skin connection. Get your hand(s) warm. Get the “bad boy” or “bad girl” (the spankee) in a good position: lying across your lap in bed, spread over-the-knee, bent over a chair, or perhaps tied upright against a pole. Spank firmly at the meatiest part of the buttocks, being sure to do this one cheek at a time. Then caress and assess in between strikes, gauging your partner’s reaction. Sound is part of the eroticism; as always, everything contributes to the arousal and gratification.

As you become more experienced, you can move on to tools like a paddle, riding crop, whip–and perhaps even some sophisticated ninja devices. Or maybe even a meat mallet, like the ones that ultimately provide so much pleasure at Katsu Burger.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on February 2, 2012.

Dish:

In the bowl: Pictured is #20: pho tai, nam, gau, gan, sach with rare beef, well-done flank, fatty flank, tendon and tripe along with banh pho rice noodles, onions, green onions, and beef broth

Supporting cast/What to do: Before your bowl comes out, you’ll get the “accessory” plate with bean sprouts, jalapeno slices, Thai basil, lime wedges. Add these to your heart’s desire, along with Sriracha, hoison sauce, and/or chili oil that’s found on your table.

Noodling around: This is the 38th Mein Man column, and it’s the very first one to feature pho. This Vietnamese noodle soup is one of my favorite quick meals in Seattle, and there are certainly many places to get it.

Part of the appeal is that pho is “fast food.” Order, and it comes quickly, as the broth has been simmering for so long, and the thin-sliced meat in your customized order cooks almost instantaneously.

Another thing I love about pho is the interactivity. You can change the flavor of the bowl along the way by altering the acidity, spice level, etc. with the garnishes and sauces.

Also, there are so variations of pho bowls. Pho So 1 has twenty types of pho. Most are pho bo, the beef variety, with a wide combination of beef cuts. I generally choose the one with the most meats, excluding the meat ball, whose taste and texture I find unappealing. I especially love the tendon for its fattiness and the tripe for its chewiness. (It’s hard to find these two items at pho restaurants in America’s heartland.) And the variety enables each slurp and spoonful to offer something different.

Pho So 1 serves some of the best “low-cost” (cheap Vietnamese joint) pho I’ve had in Seattle. The broth is flavorful and tastes fresh, with a depth of beefiness and spices.

If you want more: You can order your bowl with extra meat, meat balls, or noodles for an extra $1.00 each. But if you’re looking for something different (this is one of the places that doesn’t give you a cream puff), I recommend a couple of rolls–either the fresh spring rolls, or the crispy egg and pork rolls if you want something fried (both are $3.19 for a pair).

Be aware/beware: The bun bo hue here is very good, and there are even kid portions of noodles available. It’s a fun place for the family, with a large fish tank in the entry, and yet another of the good restaurants on the ground level of this Asian shopping plaza. (Recall that Hue Ky Mi Gia is here, and that parking in the garage below the street can be a nightmare.)

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on January 30, 2012.

For lunch, J. Betski’s would be the perfect place for something different. The eastern European menu attracted me, particularly the pierogies, as I’ve been preparing some at home recently. Unfortunately, the liverwurst pierogies with fennel marmalade and sage brown butter were no longer on the menu, and with a desire to try some house-made sausage, I went with a combination platter that included sauerkraut. This tilted my choice away from mushroom and cabbage as the filling, going instead with potato and cheese. Lightly pan-fried, the pair of them were delicious, the filling creamy and a little sour cream adding to the fatty delight. Both half-sausages were good, though I preferred the bite of the smoked kielbasa over the bratwurst, and I enjoyed alternating between two mustards.

Contemplating the dessert menu, I realized what I really wanted to round out the meal: the roasted beet salad from the regular menu. The toasted pumpkinseed oil was a perfect dressing for the greens, and I loved the tower of beet rounds layered with horseradish quark. The dish was perfectly savory with just the right amount of sweetness.

Slightly sick but in a dumpling mood, I took a light dinner at David’s Dumpling and Noodle Bar. I started with “David’s original half-fried dumplings” ($5.50), which the server said were filled with pork and cabbage. These were more like dense meatballs (with very little in the vegetable department) inside a house-made wrapper. The frying crisped them nicely without being overdone, but overall, the dumplings were quite heavy. I asked afterward about these, and was told that “we make them to satisfy American tastes.”

I thought some soup would help fight my cold, and my eye caught pork, pickled turnip, and ginger noodle soup on the menu. This warmed me up nicely, and hopefully the ginger helped, but the soup was also a bit on the heavy side. The restaurant itself is quite contemporary with the central bar area a focal point.

NYP is located in the Lumen Building at 500 Mercer. You might recall that the glassy condos there took forever to fill, ultimately going to auction. Retail space has posed a similar challenge, with New York Pizza the second restaurant (after Genki Sushi) to open there. The space is large, divided into a bar area with sports on the screens and a dining room (“family” side) that’s clean and contemporary, smacking slightly of an art gallery. (Kudos to NYP for featuring a contemporary artist’s work on the walls, though the dedicated lighting could be better.)

As much as I enjoyed the month’s previous pizzas, I’d been salivating at the thought of New York-style pies so close to home since this restaurant opened. I waded through the large pizza menu (there are also appetizers, salads, burgers, pastas, sandwiches, and more), frustrated that I couldn’t find a basic New York pizza. (You won’t find the oven in sight, either, but know that it’s a brick one.) The restaurant advertises the pizzas as “New York-style” (in a “Northwest atmosphere,” though I’m not sure what that means), but what this seems to amount to is a list of New York-named pizzas like “The Bronx Bomber” (BBQ sauce, seasoned chicken, red onion, and cilantro), “The ‘Mickey Mantle’” (pepperoni, Italian sausage, black olives, and red onions), and “The Empire State” (chicken, avocado, tomato, parmesan cheese, and alfredo sauce)—some of which don’t sound very New York-style at all.

Lacking a true New York pizza, I chose two 10-inchers that came closest to what I wanted:

The Manhattan ($9.99), advertised as “simply the best pepperoni pizza you’ll ever have.” (Um…no.)

The Margherita ($11.99), with red sauce and sliced mozzarella, topped with basil and tomatoes after baking.

My preference for a Margherita pizza is simply high quality tomato sauce and Buffalo mozzarella, topped with hand-torn basil. I’m not sure why NYP puts tomato slices on this simple pie, especially when the tomatoes were as anemic as these.

I suppose one could request the Margherita without tomatoes (at savings for de-topping?) or a simple cheese pizza (apparently a customized order) to get closest to a real New York pizza, but the cross-sectioned photo above shows the pizza problem. This is far from New York-style pizza. Oh, there’s a little melted cheese and drippy oil on action on the surface, but the dough is too thick, making this more of a generic American-style pizza.

Luckily, the week before, I was in Boca Raton and had pizza to serve as a point of comparison. As much as I generally dislike the restaurant scene in Boca, the one redeeming factor is that the large number of predominantly Jewish retirees makes the area “New York South,” and therefore an area to get decent bagels, deli, and pizza. Here’s a peek in the pizza I got at a place called Dominic’s:

This pizza was waiting for pick-up at the restaurant and took a ten-minute ride back to my father’s home before I shot the photo and took a slice. Still, it tasted terrific. Not as good as Di Fara in Brooklyn, my favorite pizza in the world, but good enough to transport me back to New York.

Is there anywhere I can find a true New York-style slice in Seattle? I have a couple more pizza places on my to-try list. Sadly, I didn’t like what I had at New York Pizza & Bar. Like the Lumen Building, I fear NYP might have trouble filling all of its space unless it finds a way to auction (or alter) its pizzas.

The burger is a massive affair, a two-fister. I ordered one with the highly touted French fries, made with Kennebec potatoes. Combined, I already had the makings of a “supersized” meal. If hungrier, I’d have added a strawberry shake or chocolate malt, both featuring Bluebird ice cream.

So what does 8 Oz. Burger Bar’s burger and fries teach us about sex?

It’s all about how it’s more than size that matters.

I trust that my burger weighed in at eight ounces. Impressive enough. Just as the big portions at Claim Jumper or Cheesecake Factory can impress–until you start eating. Oh, some people like those restaurants, preferring quantity over quality. They’re happy to have their fill, but others want a more fulfilling experience.

“The 8 Oz.” wasn’t bad, but there were some problems. I applaud the use of local brioche bread (from Grateful Bread), but it wasn’t cut to a desired proportion. The bun was top-heavy, with the thin bottom on the hard side but then quickly getting soggy. Due to the poor construction, the burger fell apart after a few bites, requiring extra napkins. And while the meat was fairly flavorful (though quite red for medium-rare, in a way that might scare some diners), the rest was pretty non-descript for a pricey burger–including a sauce I didn’t find to be so “special.”

As for the rest of the package, the potatoes were double-fried, but lost something in the process. The fries were crisp on the outside, but instead of being creamy inside, they were dry, with an almost stale taste. (A friend and I suspect they’re held in the cooler too long between frying.) In the end, something big like The 8 Oz. with fries sounds spectacular, but falls flat when the technique and packaging don’t support it.

It’s the same with sex.

Many men obsess about penis size and worry that they don’t measure up, and as a result won’t be able to pleasure their partners. Watching porn doesn’t help the cause, as the men in those movies tend to be well-endowed.

It’s natural to wonder if you’re “normal.” Men constantly compare themselves to others in the locker-room, stealing sideways glances. But note that when a man sees his own penis, he is typically looking down, which gives a shortened perspective. Furthermore, erections tend to be the great equalizers when it comes to the penis. (I’m not going to get into statistics here, but you can check online sources if you need the numbers.)

More important, it’s who you are and what you do with what you’ve got that counts. As we sex educators say, it’s not the float of the boat, but the motion of the ocean that counts. In terms of meat, packaged right and prepared with good technique, 4 ounces or inches can easily outperform 8 ounces or inches.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on January 26, 2012.

Dish:

In the bowl: Chashu (braised pork butt), tamago (egg), menma (bamboo shoots), green onion, and a piece of nori (seaweed) in soy seasoned chicken-pork broth

Supporting cast/What to do: You can order fried garlic chips or fried shallots for an extra fifty cents, but I’d recommend this bowl as is. Just dive in. Any knowledgeable Japanese person will tell you that you should eat your ramen as quickly as possible to prevent the noodles from getting soggy and losing their texture. (Some would cite a seven-minute rule.)

Noodling around: Tokyo ramen has been the reimagined name of shoyu ramen on Boom’s menu, reflecting its region of popularity. Boom Noodle sells all of the “big four” varieties of ramen, from shoyu to tonkotsu (pork bone) to shio (salt) to miso, pulling out the fullest of flavors without using MSG. You’ll also find other types of ramen there, including spicy lemon (yuzu) chicken and spicy pork.

As much as I’ve partaken in the tonkotsu craze that seems to be sweeping American cities that are discovering ramen, I ultimately prefer shoyu for its lightness–and as the best way to judge the quality of a restaurant’s ramen. It allows me to focus on the noodles, the chashu, the broth, and the other elements of the soup.

Boom Noodle’s ramen has really evolved over the years. The slightly wavy noodles are better than before, the chashu is a thickness I like and has decent fat content, and the broth is meaty without being heavy. I wish the egg was soft-cooked to the right runniness; then again, I haven’t found such an egg at any of Seattle’s “dedicated” ramen places, though Spring Hill’s saimin and Revel’s ramen get it right.

If you want more: It’s always tempting to get ramen’s satisfying sidekick, gyoza (pork or vegetable, $6.95), but as a healthier option, I recommend edamame puree ($4.95). Sweet potato crisps, baby cucumber, and Japanese eggplant come as vehicles to scoop up the delicious puree, spiced with citrusy yuzu pepper.

Be aware/beware: Happy hour gets you the Tokyo ramen at a discounted price of $6.95, which is quite a deal. The edamame drops to $3.75, and the gyoza to $4.75.

As the name implies, Boom is about noodles in general, going beyond ramen. There’s pho, pad Thai, udon, yakisoba (egg noodles), and soba. In fact, for a vegetarian dish, the shiitake soba packs a lot of punch, pushed by the umami of the mushrooms. And the menu offers non-noodle dishes to explore as well.

Note: Boom Noodle is included in my round-up of Seattle-area Asian noodle restaurants as part of my cover story in the current IBUKI magazine (available at Japan-centric stores and restaurants).

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on January 23, 2012.

Pushing the envelope a bit, I decided that happy hour at a new place called Kapow! would be a less threatening way to sample some Asian dishes that would be new to a couple of my family members. Prices were very reasonable at three dollars per plate, and beer wouldn’t hurt!

Located at Mizner Park, Kapow! is a pretty hip place with an interesting mural as the showpiece. But taking advantage of Florida weather, we chose to eat outside, and worked our way through a good portion of the happy hour menu:

Shishitou peppers with crab & cheese stuffing, panko breading, and sweet and sour sauce

Seasonal pickles with apple cider vinegar

Crispy chicken skin with parmesan crisp and green beans

Pan-seared beef gyoza with sweet and sour sauce

Steamed buns with pork belly and pickled cucumbers, with grain mustard hoison sauce

Steamed buns with maitake mushroom, served with garlic soy sauce and scallions

Steamed shrimp dumplings (shumai) with chili pepper soy sauce and chives

Sauteed green beans with garlic and soy sauce

My family enjoyed a “different” kind of dining experience for them. My favorite dish was the shishitou peppers. Coming from Seattle, I found some of the food rather safe, though perhaps bold for Boca. (For example, there’s beef tongue on the regular menu, though that shouldn’t be so scary for the many retirees in the area who probably ate beef tongue as children.) I was tempted to try the ramen, given all the ramen-eating I’ve been doing, but $15 seemed expensive for a bowl, and reports (including photos I’ve seen) are that the broth is a deep brown, which is worrisome.

Cosi Duci is another place I picked, based on research on food message boards. I’d read that the set lunch offers good quality at a reasonable price, with three courses plus focaccia bread for just $10. (There are also a few items available at a la carte.) The day’s menu is available online each morning, though the day we went, it hadn’t yet posted when we walked out the door. Turns out we hit a meatless day, but the food (served family-style for the three of us) was ample and overall satisfying:

Focaccia bread

Split pea soup

Penne with vegetables

Eggplant rollatini

The focaccia and penne were a bit plain to me, and I’d describe the soup as bean more than pea. The eggplant was the highlight of the meal–very tasty. Cosi Duci is best-known as an Italian bakery, and I did enjoy the goodies I bought for later, including a cannoli with filling that was refreshingly not over-sweet, as well as raspberry linzer tarts.

Anxious to show off his appreciation of Asian food, my father took us to Shinju Japanese Buffet one night. This mini-chain draws big crowds enticed by the all-you-can-eat environment. You can pick out meats and vegetables for quick-cooking by wok or Mongolian grill. There are also endless steam tables full of General Tso’s-like dishes, and looking around at the tables (including my own), there were massive amounts of fried food being consumed. I focused on the sushi bar, filling my plate (and another, and another) with sushi and sashimi (ignoring the plentiful rolls), supplemented by miso soup and seaweed salad:

I must admit that the sushi, freshly prepared in view, was better than I expected, though I don’t want to think about the source of the seafood–or much of the other food, either. Even more frightening is how much the diners would partake of the dessert buffet after eating so much of the other food.

Although it’s the farthest of the three airports near Boca Raton, I like flying in or out of Miami because it usually enables us to eat one better meal before going to Boca. This time around, I wanted to find an easy stop between the airport and Boca, so some research led me to Red Light Little River. The restaurant is located on the ground floor of the Blu Motel (previously known as the Gold Dust Motel) in what has been known as the Red Light District of Miami. Upon landing after flying cross-country, outdoor seating along the river (we saw herons and were told we could see manatees during the day) felt right on a warm winter’s night, though it resulted in dark food photos.

We were pleased with the quality of the food and the fair pricing. A true trip to the south!

“Saints Will Win” gumbo and rice ($9, though not true, as the Saints lost)

Spinach salad with organic eggs, caramelized vidalia onions, and house-smoked bacon ($8)

Crab-stuffed anaheim pepper floating in vine-ripe tomato little neck clam stew ($15)

BBQ shrimp and dip bread ($10 for a half-order, and probably would be great with grits)

Whiskey raisin bread pudding with vanilla ice cream ($5)

The scene of the delicious crime

The Rock opened its first pizza restaurant in Tacoma in 1995, and now boasts locations in Washington, Oregon, Colorado, and even Red Deer, Alberta. With interiors featuring broken brick and an industrial warehouse feel, The Rock is a lively place for pizza.

If classic rock whets your appetite, this is where you want to be, as you’ll find musical art on the walls, concert lighting above, and Aerosmith to Zeppelin out of the speakers. The pizza playlist is also interesting, as many of the pies are named after song or album titles. (Many of those titles are listed on the bold booth seatback cushions.)

These are American-style pizzas (between a thin and a thick crust) cooked in an almond wood-fed oven at temperatures approaching 600 degrees. If you’re looking for the delicateness of Neapolitan-style pizza, look elsewhere, like the previously discussed pies at Queen Margherita. What The Rock offers is a fun atmosphere with a wide slate of white sauce and red sauce pizzas, loaded with toppings—or the ability to customize your own pizza in a choice of three sizes.

Those not partaking in pizza can choose from an assortment of pasta dishes, burgers, chicken sandwiches, or other sandwiches and wraps. There are also appetizers and salads that are good starters, such as this basic garden salad that helped balance my pizza sampling:

As for the pizzas, here are four I sampled in their nine-inch glory:

Flirtin’ with Disaster: hot Italian sausage, andouille sausage, caramelized onions, fresh crushed garlic, tomato sauce, and red chili flakes.

Crazy Little Thing: tomato sauce with white onions, green pepper, sliced mushrooms, crushed garlic, and black olives.

Satisfaction: garlic butter, mozzarella, kalamata olives, sauteed spinach, red onions, roasted garlic, prosciutto, feta cheese, and drizzled Italian dressing.

Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy: tomato sauce topped wtih pepperoni, sweet sausage, peppered bacon, meatballs, ham, and extra mozzarella. (See what this particular pizza teaches us about sex here.)

Note: Photo of bar courtesy of Dave Baker, Art Director, The Rock Wood Fired Pizza & Spirits

This week, I visited the new Queen Anne location of The Rock, a chain that started in Tacoma and has seen successful growth in the region and beyond. If classic rock whets your appetite, this is the place to be, with musical art on the walls, concert lighting above, and Aerosmith to Zeppelin out of the speakers. The pizza playlist is also interesting, as many of the pies are named after song or album titles.

So many of the pizzas had potential for this week’s Sexy Feast column, from “Satisfaction” to “Bad to the Bone” to “Flirtin’ with Disaster.” My choice was Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy, a red sauce pizza that will ward away vegetarians with toppings of pepperoni, sweet sausage, peppered bacon, meatballs, ham, and extra mozzarella. This American-style pizza (between a thin and a thick crust) will satisfy any carnivorous craving.

So what does The Rock’s Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy pizza teach us about sex?

It’s all about the validation of masturbation.

Sit before your pizza and it’s just you and your meat–a completely carnal affair.

Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy is a compilation album of singles by The Who which came out in 1971. I became aware of the album during my “puberty years,” and naturally found the title intriguing and stimulating. After all, I was discovering the world of breasts at the time, and while certain things had questionable sexual connotations, I was absolutely sure that by meaty, beaty, big and bouncy, The Who was talking titties.

One of the album’s songs is “Pictures of Lily,” which some radio stations banned because of sexual content. It’s the story of a boy with insomnia. He complains about “sleepless nights,” so his Dad puts pictures of Lily on his wall. Those pictures, the son says, “made my life so wonderful…helped me sleep at night…helped me feel alright.”

Who guitarist and songwriter Pete Townshend explained in an interview that the song is “merely a ditty about masturbation and the importance of it to a young man.”

Masturbation is also important to a young woman. Or a not-so-young man or woman. We all deserve pleasure, and we all can benefit from the peaceful relaxation that comes in the aftermath of self-pleasuring. Like Woody Allen said, “Masturbation, don’t knock it: It’s sex with someone I love.”

And like the protagonist in “Pictures of Lily” says, “Now my nights are not quite so lonely.”

Because, as at The Rock, an orgy of meat doesn’t require other people to help you get some satisfaction.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on January 19, 2012.