As delicious as those two dishes were, I especially enjoyed my dessert: rhubarb curd tart with anise hyssop ice cream and lemon short bread. The flavors were fantastic (I love licorice and lemon–and all things tart), but what tickled my fancy was the delay in getting the plate. My server explained that the cooks had seen me taking photographs of my food. Turns out they wanted to get the quenelle of ice cream just right, so that it wouldn’t be misshapen or fall off the tart.

So what does The Coterie Room’s ice cream teach us about sex?

It’s all about the elegance and joy of spooning.

I don’t take a quenelle for granted. I’ve watched many chefs manipulate their spoons to create ovals of ice cream and other food. Like lots of things in life, it looks easy, but takes time to master. I’m still practicing. Such spooning, resulting in a smooth and elegant outcome, can be a difficult kitchen maneuver.

Far easier to master is the bedroom maneuver of spooning. This simply involves two people lying in the same direction, one person’s back against the other person’s chest, nestled like spoons. It’s cozy, cuddly, and comfortable.

And it can be stimulating.

In which case, spooning is also a sexual position. It’s a good one if you’re tired, or if the spoonee if pregnant. (If the spoonee is female, it’s also an ideal position for G-spot stimulation, or clitoral stimulation with a hand.) While there’s less visual stimulation than in other positions, spooning allows ease in kissing the neck and shoulder area, and can result in a longer sexual experience. And when you’re done, you’re already in that comfortable cuddling position for sleep–unless you’ve just had morning sex, in which case I recommend heading out to The Coterie Room for lunch, and a chance to see some professional spooning.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on May 10, 2012.

A closer look at my lunch of three T’s (six T’s?)–tartare, trout, and tart:

Steak tartare with Dijon, fines herbs, egg yolk and grilled bread

Pan roasted trout with bloomsdale spinach, celery root and taggiasca olive vinaigrette

Rhubarb curd tart with anise hyssop ice cream and lemon short bread

With that experience in mind and a new point of comparison, I’ve been eager to revisit some of my favorite bakeries in Seattle to see how croissants here stack up to their Parisian brethren. More on that in the coming weeks, but for now I bring you La Rêve Bakery’s croissant in Queen Anne. While not quite the quality I experienced in Paris, it was still a joy to eat.

So what does La Rêve’s croissant teach us about sex?

It’s all about how the French enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

In America (and elsewhere in the world), we tend to “doctor up” our croissants, filling them with ham and cheese, a la sandwiches, or serving them with spreads of butter, jam or Nutella. But when croissants are as good as they are in France (and the occasional Seattle bakery), you don’t need to add anything. Just enjoy the croissant for what it is–a bite into the crisp, golden, flaky crust revealing a soft, layered interior filled with delicious buttery flavor you want to experience on its own. The croissant is pleasure in and of itself.

It’s the same with sex. The French enjoy it, relish in it. Hey…they’re the ones who elevated the kiss to its own national brand.

The French are not as uptight about sex as Americans are. For example, French leaders can be unmarried, and the married ones can have mistresses without much fuss. (Okay, maybe French society is still a little too chauvinistic, as the allegations against former IMF director Dominique Strauss-Kahn demonstrated.)

But there’s much to envy about France’s more relaxed attitude about sex. The French stay active longer, acknowledging that sex is a life-long pursuit that’s not reserved just for the young and the beautiful.

And they’re more willing to study sex than we are. Forget about funding for major studies here. There’s too much religious and political opposition to allow that to happen. Whereas across the Atlantic, France’s National Research Agency on AIDS (???) just released a national “Study of Sexuality in France.” The study revealed that both men and women are enjoying more varied and frequent sex–with an increased number of partners over the lifetime. Interestingly, women are closing the gap on men in terms of number of partners, age of first intercourse, and variety of sexual acts.

Simply put, in France, sex is a pleasure as simple as a plain croissant.

(This isn’t to say that the French don’t like to dress things up. Think lingerie. One study showed that French women spend twenty percent of their clothing budget on it. But doesn’t that reinforce the inherent sense of joy the French feel about sex?)

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on March 29, 2012.

Umai Do is a new Japanese confectionary shop in the Central District which sells a small selection of tea-accompanying sweets. Last time in, I spotted dorayaki and manj? in the showcase. Much to my surprise, there was also sakura mochi. Especially timely for this cherry blossom season, these are mochi filled with anko (sweet red bean paste) and wrapped in a brined sakura (cherry blossom) leaf. I’ve had much better, as Umai Do’s are small (the sakura leaf shouldn’t completely cover the mochi), short on anko, and a bit gummy, but they’re fun to try and a treat to find.

So what does Umai Do’s sakura mochi teach us about sex?

It’s all about knowing how to handle the first time.

It’s not a stretch to see sakura mochi as metaphor for a female virgin. It’s understandable not to know what to expect or do during the first experience. Will it feel good? How do you handle it? Will anything bleed out?

With sakura mochi, you can peel back the protective leaf, but then you’re missing out on an important part of the experience. First bring the mochi to your noise and enjoy its distinct perfume–very fragrant. Now bring it to your lips, then bite it, gently, and enjoy the salty brininess. Now you’re into the pink–vulnerable, ready, and anticipatory. Once you plunge further in, be prepared for the dark red flow from inside. There’s nothing to be afraid of; on the contrary, this should be a pleasurable experience.

The same with having sexual intercourse for the first time. The woman may be nervous and concerned, so it’s important to take things slowly. She and her partner should be attentive to her pleasure, making sure she’s aroused and therefore lubricating. Prior to penetration, use additional lubrication as necessary. Find a position that’s comfortable. Turn foreplay–kissing, caressing, etc.–into during-play so that it’s not strictly about penetration. For penile-vaginal intercourse, some women find spooning to be the best position.

Whatever you do, breathe, smile, make eye contact, and speak out with your hopes, needs, fears, and desires. Feedback is an important part of the process; good communication shows consideration. Relax as much as possible to enjoy the experience.

Then, as with good sakura mochi, have another.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on March 22, 2012.

So when I saw the low prices at the International District’s Dim Sum King, I had to do a reconnaissance mission. That was easy, as they’re open daily from seven to seven. With various baked buns at sixty cents, and steamed dumplings and shumai (and chicken feet) at fifty cents, I figured this might be a fair price for ma-ma (so-so) dim sum. As I was about to buy up a couple of egg tarts for afternoon tea, I spotted some sponge cake. I got a massive amount for just one dollar. The cake was light and airy, and like many Asian desserts, not overly sweet.

So what does Dim Sum King’s sponge cake teach us about sex?

It’s about the right to affordable and accessible sponges (and other pleasure-enabling devices).

When the Today contraceptive sponge was pulled off the market in 1994, women in America (including the fictional Elaine Benes in Seinfeld) stocked up on remaining supplies, in many cases hoarding them obsessively. Oh, if that was our only birth control crisis today.

I find it fascinating that so much of the recent political debate has focused on contraception. Look at all the hoopla. Congressman Darrell Issa took us back fifty years, holding a hearing with an all-male panel, lamenting that insurance companies must provide contraceptive coverage. He disallowed even one woman, Georgetown Law Center student Sandra Fluke, from testifying.

When Nancy Pelosi held a separate hearing to give Fluke her opportunity, Rush Limbaugh chastised Fluke as a “slut” and a “prostitute,” adding, “So, Ms. Fluke and the rest of you feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it. And I’ll tell you what it is. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch.” Limbaugh, famous for a Viagra scandal, has been married four times and has no children, prompting comments that he has no problem using birth control–or is sterile or impotent.

The Republican presidential candidates refused to speak out again Limbaugh, reinforcing their anti-birth control stances. Recall that Rick Santorum’s sugar daddy, Foster Friess, suggested that women just put an aspirin between their knees. Meanwhile, Santorum is on record saying that birth control shouldn’t be legal–even for married couples.

These people see sex as for procreation, not recreation. The battle over birth control–including abortion–has always been about something deeper. It’s about sex, and about controlling women’s lives.

How to make these men understand their role in the war on women’s health? Some women are proposing legislation to regulate men’s health. Earlier this week, Ohio state Senator Nita Turner introduced a bill requiring men seeking Viagra or other erectile dysfunction drugs to see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test, and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency.

But why stop there? If men say sex is for procreation only, I suggest that women simply stop having sex with them. I have a feeling a lot of men will change their minds about this issue quickly.

Like the old saying goes, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. And, I’d add, birth control would come free in cereal boxes.

The simple fact is that birth control saves taxpayers money. Birth control should be affordable and accessible. Protected, we can enjoy the sexual pleasure most of us desire and deserve. We are all sponge-worthy.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on March 15, 2012.

I had to try for myself. Thimble-like sample cups took me from flavors such as pumpkin to piña colada to pomegranate tart. Already feeling full, I settled for a purchasable pour of simple vanilla (versus “very vanilla”) and then hit the topping bars. I felt like a kid in a candy store, basically because I was in a candy store, watching boys and girls pile on fruity pebbles, gummi bears, peanut butter cups, and rainbow sprinkles at the “snackage bar,” mochi and cheesecake bits at the “chill bar,” and then hot fudge and caramel sauce at the “sauce bar” (or whatever it’s called). Spooning a few items from this smorgasbord onto my yogurt, I placed my cup on a table and laughed when I saw it said “We make you smile.”

So what does a cup of Menchie’s yogurt teach us about sex?

It’s knowing what’s inside that counts.

If you think about yogurt, you might be all smiles recalling the Dannon ads showing yogurt eaters in Soviet Georgia living to well over 100 years old. But as you sit at Menchie’s and see today’s kids scooping from their cups, or as contemplate your own cup, is that yogurt really healthy?

Even if choose a nonfat option over something like peanut butter gold, the calories and carbs can add up. Frozen yogurt has the illusion of being health food, but it’s basically a sugarfest. And it gets worse if you dress it up with shiny pearls of snow caps and the like. Put together, that sweet-looking hottie may make you smile, but looks alone don’t determine a sensible choice.

It’s the same with a sexual partner.

Sure, you can have fun–messing and playing around and having a good time, at least in the short-term. But outside looks probably won’t be the basis for a long-term relationship. What you need to do is look inside and get to know your “product” better.

Really getting to know someone takes time. To learn means to ask and to wonder. Considering compatibility means communicating about current realities and future goals.

If you need help with this, let me offer two resources I found on my bookshelf. Intellectual Foreplay: Questions for Lovers & Lovers-to-Be covers a wide range of issues, including sections on “Where Did You Come From?” (gaining background history), “Where Are You Going?” (with chapters on money, work, and future), “Can We Live Together?” (including a chapter on sharing a bathroom), and “Where Are We Going?” (which, besides vacations, holidays, children, and wedding, has a chapter about sex). And speaking of sex, 269 Red Hot XXX-Rated Questions: Super Sexy Ticklers to Tempt, Tease and Spark offers discussion-starter questions from “What movie makes you incredibly horny?” to “Do you trust me enough to close your eyes and let me have my way with you?” to “If you could beg me for anything, what would it be?”

You can bring these books next time you and your lover (or lover-to-be) go to Menchie’s. On second thought, given the number of kids typically hanging out there, bring the first book, and save the second for the bedroom–where it should truly make you smile.

Trellis

This is a gem of a restaurant. Go on a Sunday or Monday, and you get a three-course meal for $29. That’s a steal. Plus, there are 29 wines available at half-price.

Trellis is so good that I chose it for my recent birthday dinner. Tomatoes are always terrific there, so I started with a rustic tomato soup while pilfering a couple of slices of flatbreads from my friends–including one with arugula and thinly sliced oranges, rind and all, that was mind-blowing. My entrée was hanger steak with peperonata, and then as part of shared desserts, an old favorite: lemon-sage flan with sweet lemon cream, candied lemon zest, and sage. Light and luscious, it was perfect for the palate as a meal-ender, the citrus simply refreshing and the sage spicing it up ever so slightly.

So what does Trellis’ flan teach us about sex?

It’s all about the benefit of having some sage.

Lemon and sage is a classic combination of ingredients that works well together. Pairing them is wise.

As is the chef who created the dessert. Trellis’ Brian Scheehser prepares the kind of food that teaches me something each time I visit his restaurant. It might be about flavor combinations, textures, or just plain freshness. (If you like the farm-to-table concept, note that Scheehser uses fruits, vegetables, and herbs grown on his ten-acre farm just a few miles from the restaurant.) He’s soft-spoken and mellow, but full of wisdom. A real sage. How wonderful to know someone like that!

It’s the same with sex.

We can all use a sage for our sexual lives, but most of us didn’t have one when we were growing up. Think about it. How did you learn about sex?

I had no source of sex education in school or at home. As a result, I grew up in ignorance, totally naïve, both uncomfortable and unable to communicate about sex. No wonder I found myself in a relationship that faced an unintended teenage pregnancy.

I lacked a sage.

A sage can be older sibling, a parent (not likely, which is why the Swedish government believes it’s unrealistic for parents to be the primary sex educators of their children), or maybe even a grandparent. Outside the family, you might find a sage in a health teacher, a youth worker, or some other influential person.

It’s never too late to find a sage. Your sage could even be electronic. Some teens turn to Scarleteen, while adults can learn from sources like Kinsey Confidential, About.com, and our local (though getting dated) Sexuality.org.

Or, perhaps your sage can be, ahem, your favorite sex (and food) columnist?

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on December 8, 2011.

I remain admittedly ambivalent about cupcakes

When they’re really good they can be a guilty pleasure, but when you’re paying about three dollars a pop for a dollop of frosting on a sometimes forgettable base of cake, I’d rather put that money toward a banh mi or a noodle bowl.

Still, I recently ventured to New York Cupcakes in Madison Valley. (The original store is in Bellevue.) With its pink refrigerator, retro pink phone, and pink just-about-everything-else, New York Cupcakes is clearly playing to the young female persuasion.

The cupcakes have catchy New York-influenced names, like Radio City Raspberry, Madison Avenue Mint Chocolate Chip, and Park Avenue Peanut Butter “Cup” Cake. As a fan of the cookie, The New York Black & White tempted me, but I instead went with the related New York Neapolitan. This cupcake has layers of chocolate and vanilla cake, and is topped with strawberry butter cream, a little vanilla buttercream, sprinkles, and a maraschino cherry. The top was as sugary sweet as the store, and the bottom provided more focus on the chocolate and vanilla flavors.

So what do New York Cupcakes’ cupcakes teach us about sex?

It’s all about doubling your pleasure.

Cupcake eaters quickly learn that you can break the cake to get two distinctive parts that can satisfy the differing desires of two partners. Some people are tops, enjoying the frosting and sprinkles and everything else that makes that part sweet. Other people are bottoms, finding the top too sweet, preferring instead the simple (and hopefully moist) cake base. Hence, one item can be divided to provide unique pleasure for two different people.

I’ve discovered that the same can be true in the world of sex.

MSHarmony is a Korean company which has created a fascinating sex toy called the Zini Deux, winner of design awards. The Zini Deux looks like a little plastic football, but pull it apart, and you’ll find two magnetically held pieces–his and her vibrators! The convex piece is designed to part the labia and provide clitoral stimulation, while the concave piece is perfect for curving around the balls for testicular stimulation, or for providing direct stimulation to the penis. (It’s also ideal for breast/nipple stimulation.)

The Zini Deux is part of an interesting Zini series of chargeable vibrators which are all made with silicone for soft touch and easy cleaning. As with the other Zinis, the Deux offers easy-to-use controls to vary vibration. An uplifted “plus” button and indented “down” button make it easy to control motor speed. There’s also a “0″ button in between which changes the pulsation pattern, offering five options plus a random mode.

The Zini Deux is fairly pricey (I see it for $169.99), but it’s like getting two toys in one–and it comes in classy packaging. For men who’ve never tried a vibrator, this is a great opportunity to get in on the action. And for women, it’s a new toy for the collection. You need to shop around for what’s best for you in terms of feel, speed, pulsation patterns, etc. Some women say that the Zini Deux doesn’t provide enough strength, and also that it does not provide internal vibration. No fear: There are other vibrators in the Zini line that offer such options. All are gorgeous. (And speaking of sex and food, there’s even a Zini Donut which can provide pleasure for both genders.)

The Zini Deux is a unique toy for two. Just as you might do with one of those treats from New York Cupcakes, you can break your Zini Deux into two pleasure-inducing pieces. Start spreading the news… that’s frosting on the sexual cake.

(First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on September 22, 2011.)

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Perhaps you recognize the format (three supporting ingredients. all lower case. all followed by a period.) and know that this week’s Sexy Feast is about to feature Spur Gastropub. The dish is an “Apples & Caramel” dessert, and like just about all of Spur’s dishes, it’s got a lot going on.

Truth is, at Spur, I generally have to ask the server several times to explain the dishes, as they rapidly rattle off ingredients and techniques that make it sound like there’s a chemistry lab in back instead of a kitchen. (If I caught it all, this dish has brown butter sponge cake, caramel apple ice cream, compressed apples, Normandy cider gelee, freeze-dried caramel, caramel sauce, and little sprigs of sorrel.) The menu listings look simple. But the flavors are complex, the visual presentations stunning, and the overall outcome stellar. Apples & Caramel is no different.

So what does Spur’s Apples & Caramel teach us about sex?

It’s all about temperature and technique.

Chefs Brian McCracken and Dana Tough play with all kinds of elements in their cooking, including temperature. Temperature variations affects texture–a sensual part of both food and sex.

One of the secrets to success of Apples & Caramel is that the sponge cake is cooked fast (blasts in the microwave, if you want to know), which prevents it from falling.

The coolness of the ice cream offsets the warmth of the cake, resulting in balance and pleasure.

For your sexual pleasure, temperature is important. Get your room right. No need to be shivering or sweating–unless that’s coming from sheer delight. Similarly, get your body temperature right. Cold hands can give your partner cold feet about going further.

To make matters more erotic, consider temperature in your sex play. For example, some salivate over the thought of a hot, dripping candle, while others want that drip to come from a cold ice cube.

Specific to oral sex, there’s the technique of alternating sips from cups of hot tea and ice water between licking, nibbling, and sucking your partner’s genitals. Or the “curiously strong” sensation that results from putting cool crème de menthe or Altoids in your warm mouth while pleasing your partner.

Pay attention to temperature and technique, as McCracken and Tough do in their cooking. By doing so, you’ll learn that, like Spur:

sex. is. delicious.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on March 10, 2011.

Book-wise, I was pleased to be a co-editor/author for the Fearless Critic Seattle Restaurant Guide.

Magazine-wise, I’ve brought my worlds of food and sex together in writing the regular “Hot Plate” feature for Edible Seattle. I’ve also contributed to Northwest Palate magazine, and look for an article I wrote about the Culinary Institute of America’s conference on Japanese food in the January issue of Ibuki magazine.

Blog-wise, I’m playing with the food and sex theme with my “Sexy Feast” feature in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious blog, where I also just debuted a weekly noodle article called “The Mein Man.” I also did a bit of writing for the Serious Eats blog, and joined the team at TheSunbreak.com.

And what an honor it was to contribute to USA Today’s “Great American Bites” series! I made my picks for “great” (not necessarily “best”) ice cream, burgers, and pizza in Washington state.

Ice cream: Here is what I wrote about Mallard Ice Cream (whole article here): With an emphasis on fresh, local and organic, Mallard Ice Cream is a fun hangout in Bellingham (home of Western Washington University) for students and townies alike. Check the online Flav-o-cam for the current menu, with flavors ranging from standards to exotics, including a recent “hot” favorite: apricot/tamarind/cayenne.

Burgers: Here is what I wrote about Pick-Quick Drive In (whole article here): Pick-Quick Drive In in Fife is the place to visit when you want the whole package: cooked-to-order burgers, greasy-in-a-good-way fries and thick milkshakes some made with seasonal fruit. As the name implies, you best order quick to avoid the wrath of those in line behind you. But then you can relax as you enjoy your burger at a picnic table surrounded by beautiful flowers.

Pizza: And here is what I wrote about Serious Pie (whole article here): Serious Pie is a place to rub elbows with fellow Seattle diners while eating artisanal, hand-shaped oblong pies made with local ingredients and cooked in an applewood-burning oven. The guanciale (house-cured Italian bacon) with baby arugula and soft, runny eggs is a favorite. If you want to sample more, like the pumpkin, pork belly and pistachio pie, go during happy hour when mini-pies are only $5 each.

(Funny…USA Today used the photo at the top, but it’s shot with my Panasonic Lumix LX-3, and not with my new Canon DSLR. Proof I still need to practice using the new camera!)

(See my original Serious Pie write-up here.)

Again, these aren’t necessarily the best, but they are great. In fact, one of my New Year resolutions is to use the word “best” less and less frequently. I have favorite dishes and restaurants, but that doesn’t always make them the best–a word which can put down other people’s favorites.

Besides, there will always be other ice cream, burgers, pizzas, and more to explore. Here, for example, is a slice (arugula and egg) from Proletariat Pizza in West Seattle. I like the people and the pies, and would gladly eat here again, though I wouldn’t call Proletariat my favorite. I do appreciate the seasonal ingredients and the use of Shepherd’s Grain flour in the dough they make daily.

Across the street is Full Tilt Ice Cream, a perfect complement to a pizza meal. This is a peppy place, with games galore and spirits high. There are signature root beer (and beer) floats, and the ice cream flavors are always a lot of fun. I enjoyed grapefruit tarragon sorbet last visit.

Regrettably, I’ve not yet made it to Zippy’s Burgers in that same stretch of West Seattle (some people say it’s the “best” burger in the area), but hope to before they’re potentially forced to move. So, how about a hot dog instead? Po Dog gets creative with the weiners. You can customize your own, or go with one of their specialties, like the Wasabi Egg Roll Dog (wrapped in wonton paper & deep fried, then topped with homemade wasabi aioli) or the Deep Fried Danger Dog (wrapped in pepper bacon & deep fried, with sauteed onions and homemade spicy chili sauce). Here you see a special mac and Tillamook cheese dog.

This delicacy is made with a whole, dried Calimyrna fig, which some describe as the filet mignon of figs. It resembles a baby pumpkin–though a pumpkin with chocolate inside (a ganache made of semisweet chocolate pieces and heavy whipping cream) and outside (a couverture of dark chocolate).

They run about $5 each, but that’s a small price to pay for chocolate perfection.

So what do Fran’s double chocolate figs teach us about sex?

Basically, they are sex.

Chocolate’s long been considered an aphrodisiac, with the presence of phenylethylamine and theobromine providing stimulative effect. Figs have a similar, long-time association with sex. They’re good for sexual health, as they contain nutrients beneficial for stamina and fertility. Figs, in fact, were likely the actual forbidden fruit, with Adam and Eve wearing fig leaves to cover their own “fruits.”

If you’ve ever sliced open a fig, you get more of the sexual connection, as a split fig, bursting with pinkish-red color, makes you feel like you’ve found a vagina. No surprise, then, that the Greek word sykon translates to both fig and vulva.

The whole process of making a chocolate-stuffed fig is a metaphor for sex. First comes the foreplay. According to Bigelow’s recipe, you prepare a fig for stuffing “by gently rolling between your thumb and fingers to loosen the seeds and soften the flesh.” The next step: Insert something thin into the bottom of the fig and “wiggle it to enlarge the hole slightly for stuffing.”

Now it’s time to wrap that ganache (play it safe) in a pastry bag and then “insert [it] into the fig’s bottom.” You want to “gently squeeze” and “thrust until the creamy explosion fills the engorged area, and you hear moans of fig-filled ecstasy.”

Okay, I made up that last quote, but if fruits could feel and express themselves, that would be the outcome.

Sound far-fetched? Well, note that Bigelow instructs that just before penetration (or engulfment, if you prefer), “hold each fig’s stem gently between your index and middle fingers.”

Ah, yes, the “stem.” See, it’s all about pleasure.