To maximize my first experience at Travelers, I went for the full thali. (There’s a deluxe that adds bread, a beverage, and dessert, or a shorti if you want less.) The platter came with small tastes of two sabzis (vegetarian entrees), basmati rice, dal (lentil soup), salad, raita, pickle, chutney, fruit, a small sweet, and a papadam. (The papadam fell off the tray and cracked into pieces on the floor. I got a replacement, but not in time for the photo.) This would be a filling and fascinating meal for just $15.

So what does Travelers Thali House’s thali teach us about sex?

It’s all about the joy that variety brings.

My thali looked like an edible artist’s palette. Instead of a paintbrush, I’d dip my fork into the various metal bowls, sampling each carefully and seeing how it blended with the next. The moong dal of butternut squash had garlic and ginger notes. After a little bite, I’d cleanse my palate with the basmati rice, then go for a forkful of carrot and methi (fenugreek leaf), with its balance of sweet and bitter. Lots of softness so far, so I’d reach for the papadam and enjoy its crispness. Following this, maybe a bite of achaar pachrange, a pickle that’s salty, sour, and spicy, stimulating my appetite. On to a taste of the pear raita, which would be one of my favorite items, the pear’s sweetness infiltrating creamy, herbed yogurt. Okay…maybe more rice, or another piece of papadam. Then cabbage peanut salad, the lime in the dressing offering a citrusy, refreshing note. More rice. Oh…don’t forget some mango chutney with that. I’d repeat all these dishes, maybe in a changed order, and then finish with saffron kheer (not shown)–like a basmati rice pudding with cardamom, almonds, and saffron.

Exploring and enjoying different tastes and textures, with varied sequences of bites, nibbles, scoops, and swirls, made this a delicious experience.

It’s the same with sex.

Try to continually expand your repertoire. Even within one act, incorporate some variety. Think about the Seinfeld gang discussing the sex routine in “The Fusilli Jerry” episode. There’s a progression of moves, ending in the ultimate Move, said to be a swirl instead of a pinch.

Formulas can be nice, but don’t get stuck in a predictable rut. That can get boring. Take, for example, the heterosexual porn formula. Sure, there’s variety, but soon every scene seems the same: Disrobing, cursory kissing, quick cunnilingus, extended fellatio, pvi (penile-vaginal intercourse: missionary, doggie, woman on top–cowgirl or not), more fellatio, maybe anal, and then the cumshot, which might be facial.

Be creative. Give yourselves time. The bad news: Studies show that the average sex lasts three to ten minutes. The good news: Foreplay adds another twenty minutes. So we’re pushing thirty minutes for the whole “act.” That’s ample time to try new things, and you can even strive to extend your play time. You don’t need a gym-nasty-cal, marathon session, but why not see how far you can go? Soon your session will go from shorti to full to deluxe, and–like the thali–will be full of creamy, spicy, and delicious variety.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on February 23, 2012.

Dish:

On the plate: Per the menu: “Stir fried Indian yellow curry with fresh egg noodles, chicken (beef or tofu), carrot, pepper, basil, green bean, mushroom and onion.” I ordered mine with beef, and in addition to the listed vegetables, this preparation included cabbage and broccoli.

Supporting cast/What to do: Just dig in.

Noodling around: Root Table’s Bollywood Yakisoba is a twist on the popular Japanese dish. Yaki means fried and soba means noodle (the generic noodle, not the buckwheat soba noodle). In Japan, the noodle dish is typically made with pork, stir-fried with carrots, onions, and cabbage. This version left out the typical Japanese flavoring from yakisoba sauce (a thicker, sweeter variety of Worcestershire), aonori (seaweed flakes), beni shoga (strips of pickled ginger), and katsuobushi (bonito flakes). To change it up and achieve the Indian fusion, Root Table added a few vegetables and yellow curry, which infused the dish with decent heat. The stir-fried egg noodles were cut short as if for a child, which I found frustrating to eat, but the flavors were good.

Given the Bollywood name, I was half hoping for a song-and-dance number with delivery of my noodles. That didn’t happen.

But in a Bollywood-like, melodramatic twist of fate slash reversal of fortune, my dining companion got the better noodle dish: Burmese Noodle Curry. Picture pretty much the same vegetables (she changed to chicken for the meat) in a yellow curry soup. The grilling of the chicken was a nice touch, adding smokiness, and the addition of crisp noodles on top added contrast to the soft egg noodles. As the menu said, the broth was rich, silky and delightful to finish. At $9, the Burmese Noodle Curry was good to the last drop, offering paisa vasool (”money’s worth”).

If you want more: There’s an interesting tapas menu full of potential starters. Lemongrass Chicken Lollipops, Thai Bruschetta, and Sweet Pumpkin Tempura are all tempting, with Cajun Calamari looking just a little out of place. But you might find the Root Fries ($5) most fetching. These seasoned, hand-cut root vegetables (think taro, sweet potato, and the like) are deep-fried and served with homemade spicy ketchup.

Be aware/beware: This is one of the most pleasant places for Asian food at this price point. No Bollywood tunes, but chill music to relax by, and an earthy, warm atmosphere. Carved wood-slabs form the table tops, and some of the seats are tree stumps–though they can get a little uncomfortable if you want to linger for too long.

My answer of late, until now: Poppy.

I’ve heard mostly positive reviews, and I know Chef Jerry Traunfeld can cook. So what’s the hold-up? Indian might be my least favorite Asian cuisine, and at Poppy’s price point, I’ve been fearful of disappointment even though the food is only “Indian-influenced” (depending on who you ask). Also, I’m not excited about small portions. If something’s delicious, I want a meat loaf-sized portion, or something close, so I can dig in and keep enjoying it.

But after a spicy Chinese meal with friends (more on that very soon), we found ourselves on Capitol Hill and hungry for something a little different. A perfect time for dessert at Poppy! (Okay, so I’ve still yet to try Traunfeld’s food at Poppy. Per a friend’s recommendation, maybe I’ll man up for a naanwich at the late night happy hour sometime as the next step. By then, a full-fledged meal won’t be far behind, I’m guessing.)

Thalis are the thing at Poppy, allowing for a multitude of small bites that comprise a meal. The thali concept extends to dessert, which means a great many things to taste. (The snap of the ginger chip cookies in the photo made it one of my favorite bites on the plate.) But that wasn’t all we had. We had extra desserts, including a chocolate chip licorice ice cream that knocked my socks off. I make a lot of ice cream at home (lemongrass being my latest), including anise ice cream from The Perfect Scoop, David Lebovitz’s fabulous cookbook. But while anise seed steeps for that recipe, the one at Poppy had extra zing. I thought it must be licorice extract, but I wasn’t sure, so when I had a chance to ask Pastry Chef Dana Cree for the secret, she had already shared the recipe – and there was the extract! But there was also anise hyssop, which last wowed me during dinner at The Herbfarm. Hmm…it’s snowing in Seattle today, but I think I know what I need to start growing next spring.

Pull up to the restaurant and you’ll notice their sky blue sign, proudly proclaiming “Winner of the Zagat Award.” For food? Décor? Service?

No. We think Taste of India must have gotten a Zagat Award for chai. And little did we know that the restaurant is full of chai pushers.

Like the start of most any addiction, we brought it on ourselves. (Okay, maybe we have a genetic pre-disposition to chai. Best not to get into the addiction debate here.) Sitting at the top of the drink list, for the cost of a $2 bill, the call of chai pulls you in: “An ancient tea of India, made up of milk, cardamom, cloves, fennel, and sugar.” Mmm… fennel. A natural digestive aid. Perfect for the variety and abundance of dishes we ordered that night. Was it naan or roti? Biryani or tandoori? Masala or vindaloo? Rogan Josh or Josh Rogan? Wait…Josh Rogan…he wrote the second segment of Twilight Zone: The Movie, and is actually a she (Melissa Mathison) – the screenwriter of The Indian in the Cupboard. But that’s the other kind of Indian. Our heads are spinning.

Really, we don’t remember what we ate. The food was fine, but it’s the drink that dominated. We’d heard that chai’s a relaxant, a stress reliever, a wellspring of well-being with a warm and soothing effect. That it’s difficult to resist a second cup. How could we, when about a dozen different servers were constantly coming to our table to inject us with another hit?

They pushed, and we partook. It was a symbiotic relationship. And it was great. We’re not sure how to count the cups of a bottomless cup, but we now know that too much chai starts out relaxing, then soon sends us into our own Twilight Zone.

Originally posted at Seattlest (where “we = “me”) on October 20, 2006.

INCREDELICIOUS 2008 is a fundraiser for EKAL Seattle, which works to improve literacy and to educate tribal children in India. The organizers tell me that the local chapter raised enough funds this past year to open over 100 schools. This cook-off will increase awareness of their efforts and help further their cause.

Entry to the cooking part of the competition sold out quickly. Participants will prepare appetizers and desserts, and I’m anticipating that a good portion of the 60 planned dishes will be Indian food—and the majority Asian. For $5 (free for those 10 and under), you’ll get to sample the competitors’ food and vote for your favorite, with the winner receiving a “popular choice” award. (Note that Spice Route will be preparing additional food for the event.) Meanwhile, I’ll be part of a panel of judges charged with the challenge of choosing the best dishes of the evening. And if you’d like to learn more about the art of evaluating food, you can bid for the chance to have lunch with yours truly at an area restaurant. We’ll critique the food, and your comments can appear in one of my future reviews!

Other items will be up for auction, and expect raffle prizes, too—along with the good food and good fun. Register online and plan to come to the Old Redmond Schoolhouse Community Center this Saturday from 5-7 p.m.