That’s not a complaint or a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing. These days, kale’s showing up in slaws and Caesar salads, coming crunchy as chips, and even topping some pizzas. It’s truly a superfood, lowering cholesterol, combating cancer, and providing numerous nutritional benefits.
Some are getting their fix of this healthy vegetable the blended way, as part of a juice or smoothie. If you’re not juicing (or smoothing?) at home, a great place to get introduced to kale and other vegetable/juice drinks is Juicebox. You can currently pick up Juicebox’s organic, cold-pressed juices at The Pantry at Delancey or LAB5 Fitness, or you can visit their pop-up juice bar at La Bête on Thursday and Friday mornings. (There’s also juice during the restaurant’s Sunday brunch service.) When I was at the juice bar last week, ABCG (red apple, red beet, carrot, and ginger root) and Fennel (fennel and frond, cucumber, apple, and garden mint) intrigued me, but I ultimately went Green: lacinato kale, cucumber, romaine heart, celery, lemon, and apple. Some may say it’s pricey at $7 for a 14-ounce glass, but you pay more for a cocktail that’s far less fresh and healthy.
So what does Juicebox’s “Green” teach us about sex?
It’s all about masking unwanted flavor.
Kale is extremely bitter. I happen to like bitterness, but some may find the green flavor a little too harsh. Fortunately, ingredients like cucumber, apple, and lemon combine with kale to sweeten up the drink, hiding any harsh flavor. (It’s actually possible to lose the kale flavor almost completely, but what I enjoyed about Juicebox’s Green drink was the perfect balance that retained a little of the bitterness.)
In the world of sex, specifically oral, some people aren’t fond of fellatio because of the harsh flavor. Yes, semen can be the “kale” of sex—a barrier to blowjobs.
Fortunately, there’s a fun new product for those who fear the flavors of fellatio. Masque Sexual Flavors are orally dissolvable flavored gel strips (Listerine-like) that counter the salts, bitters, and proteins in semen. The pleasure-giver simply puts a strip on his or her tongue and lets it melt in mere seconds. Masque comes in strawberry, watermelon, chocolate, and mango, and the flavor will last for about fifteen minutes.
With newfound confidence (and no bitter feelings or flavors!), the pleasure-giver gets to work with infectious exuberance, enabling the pleasure-receiver to enjoy the experience even more—hopefully with desire to reciprocate. It’s easy to get the juices flowing with Juicebox’s drinks building sexual stamina and Masque’s gel strips sweetening up sex lives.
First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on April 30, 2013.