Sexy Feast: Dante’s Inferno Dogs Offers a Devilish Sex Lesson about Wieners

Growing up in New York, I knew that Sabrett hot dogs, for me, were the best of the bunch, boiled right at the pushcart until they reached that tell-tale snap at first bite. Then again, at home we ate Hebrew Nationals, delicious when grilled. The great thing about hot dogs, though, is that in addition to boiling (in water, beer, and even soup) or grilling them, you can broil them in an oven, steam them, microwave them, deep-fry them, and even eat them raw. (Yes, a childhood confession!)

With the ongoing rise of food trucks in Seattle, let’s not forget the humble hot dog stands that have fed hungry folks for so many hours of so many days. But even hot dogs are haute, evolving over time; for example, I enjoy the Japadog knock-offs with their fancy Asian ingredients. Before those Japanese-flavored hot dogs, though, Dante’s Inferno Dogs was elevating this fast food into something even more fun.

So what does Dante’s Inferno Dogs teach us about sex?

It’s all about the variable joy of wieners.

Dante’s applies two cooking techniques in preparing the hot dogs. They’re first boiled, then grilled, adding smoky flavor.

And then there are the variety of toppings, some hot and some cold, some smooth and some crunchy. Of course there’s mustard and ketchup, but to go Seattle-style, ask the vendor to get out the cream cheese gun. Dante’s can suggest some standard dogs, or you can customize yours with toppings like grilled onions and peppers, sauerkraut, pickled jalapenos, sweet chili sauce, and much more.

Now, temperatures and textures also come into play with wieners in the bedroom.

Big Teaze Toys recently released a sex toy for men called the VerSpanken, which they describe as “a new kind of home entertainment system.” The VerSpanken is a piece of molded plastic that unclasps to allow access to two insertable “Wieners.” It comes with a pair of FoamWieners already installed. These soft inserts are available smooth, bumpy, and wavy to provide different textural sensations.

In addition to purchasing extra FoamWieners, you can also buy WaterWieners with the same texture options. The WaterWieners, though, can be chilled in the refrigerator or warmed in hot water. What’s fun is that you can mix and match the Wieners according to your whimsy before or during your sexual play, perhaps trying hot and cold together, as well as varying the textures.

Once you’ve done your Wiener selection and installed them, close the snap and note that the inserts squeeze together quite tight. Therefore, you’ll want to be sure to lube up the VerSpanken’s two Wieners as well as your own. You can hold and move the VerSpanken yourself in a variety of positions, have your partner do it, or place it somewhere like on a desk or under the mattress so that you can go more hands-free. Clean-up is simple: Just wash the Wieners with soap and water. You don’t even have to remove them from their holder.

Check out this playful video about the VerSpanken system, which is home entertainment, indeed. As with Dante’s Inferno Dogs, VerSpanken is all about wieners you’ll want to relish.

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