Sexy Feast: Rainier Restaurant and BBQ Serves Up Sexual Substitutions

Rainier Restaurant and BBQ had been on my wish-list for ages, but especially because of a possible bump after it appears on Anthony Bourdain’s The Layover this coming season, now was the time to go. My large group ordered many of the exotic meats on the menu (including cobra, deer, and frog), and soon the lazy Susan sported what looked like the apocalyptic aftermath of the bombing of the Woodland Park Zoo.

The dish I most wanted to try was bê thui, advertised as “sliced roast lamb with ground rice served on plaint bananas, onions, mints, and anchovy sauce.” Thui apparently means “blackened”; this dish gets its name because the skin of the meat blackens during roasting. No sign of such skin, but the meat was moist, tender, and flavorful. The plantains, on the other hand, still had their skin on, which I’d never seen before. The dish, like the meal itself, was fascinating for the variety of flesh served.

So what does Rainier BBQ’s bê thui teach us about sex?

It’s all about finding suitable substitutions.

When we ordered the dish, our server informed us that the bê thui would actually be made with veal instead of lamb. I didn’t really understand the reason for the switch, but I still found pleasure in the substitution.

Sexually, a substitution means that if your partner’s away, you can still play.

Some people believe that chocolate is better than sex. That a good workout is more satisfying. Russell Brand recently revealed that “For the first time in my life I spend more time meditating and doing yoga than I do having sex.”

Non-sexual activities may be a necessary substitute for a recovering sex addict. But if you’re not an addict and you’re craving carnal action, you don’t necessary need a partner to indulge. There are many possible substitutions for pleasure.

Women, that might mean the Hitachi Magic Wand. A Butterfly Kiss. Or one of the cool new Zini vibrators.

Men, look into a Fleshlight. An Aneros. Or maybe something like a RealDoll. (Okay, that might push the relationship boundaries too much.)

And if you have nothing else, give a hand to…the hand. After all, some say “If God didn’t want us to masturbate, he wouldn’t have made our arms long enough to reach.”

If that’s all too much, you can find plenty of pleasures of the flesh at Rainier Restaurant and BBQ, perhaps meditating over the meal a la Russell Brand.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on September 27, 2012.

Rainier BBQ on Urbanspoon

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