Sexy Feast: Kickin’ Boot Whiskey Kitchen’s Gritty Lesson on Lumps

Kickin’ Boot Whiskey Kitchen is the newest restaurant in Ballard serving up barbecue, with whiskey and its brethren creating a somewhat boisterous atmosphere. I enjoyed the meat piled high in my Smokestack sandwich, and the five house sauces in a tray on each table present a terrific opportunity to play with your food. In the entrée department, Kickin’ Boot offers nine sandwiches, fried chicken, barbecue, plus steak and seafood. There are also small plates, salads, and lots of interesting sides.

Knowing that chef Bo Maisano trained and worked in New Orleans, I was especially interested in trying one of the staples of Southern cuisine: shrimp and grits. The shrimp are blackened and sit on a bed of creamy grits, smoked cheddar flavor shining through. As it’s billed as a “spicy” dish, there’s Louisiana butter sauce atop giving it a little kick. And with that, Kickin’ Boot is doing a delightful version of this dish.

So what does Kickin’ Boot’s Spicy Shrimp and Grits teach us about sex?

It’s all about avoiding lumps.

I’ve asked around, and apparently there are three keys to making great grits. One, logically enough, is to buy high quality grits–Kickin’ Boot uses stone-ground white grits. Second is to cook low and slow to hydrate the grits, maximizing the creaminess. And third is to stir often (some say constantly) to get them silky smooth, without lumps.

(I’ll contribute a fourth key: adding bacon fat.)

The bottom line is that lumps are bad. It can be the same when it comes to your sexual anatomy.

If you find new, unusual, unnatural lumps on the penis (any you’ve had your entire life are likely harmless), they could be a sign of genital warts or herpes. This holds true for the vaginal area as well. You’ll want to go to a family planning center or doctor as soon as possible to seek treatment. And if you’re not practicing safer sex to prevent lumps, your next stop should be the drugstore to buy condoms or the seat next to your partner to talk about how to give and receive pleasure without putting yourselves at risk.

While on the subject of lumps, sexual health self-care should also include checking the breasts and testes. Women and men should do this monthly. If you’re not sure how to do this, there’s great information online, or ask a health care professional.

Now if Kickin’ Boot would only throw in a side of Black Eyed Peas with those Spicy Shrimp and Grits, we’d be talking lumps and humps and all that junk, then mixing milk with cocoa puffs. I’m not sure what it all means, but it sounds delicious–just like those grits.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on August 23, 2012.

(See also my Serious Eats report about the Smokestack sandwich, here.)

Kickin' Boot Whiskey Kitchen on Urbanspoon

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