Sexy Feast: Zippy’s Giant Sex Lesson Kicks Butt

zippys-640-5807Zippy’s Giant Burgers in White Center is Seattle’s hamburger mecca for many. Buns are good, as are the patties—made with chuck that’s ground daily and cooked to the point of an agreeably salty crust. I bypass the shakes for a pick from a cooler full of vintage sodas, which presents plentiful options. (Overwhelmed by so many root beers, I opt for sarsaparilla, as pictured.) I concur with the common complaint about the sides, though. Most problematic: The French fries are soft and simply lackluster in flavor.

Back to the burger, the basic is just fine (an important test), but I’m especially fond of the “No. 11.” This one contains some hot peppers, chipotle mayonnaise, lettuce, Monterey jack cheese, and smoked cheddar cheese. The beef still shines through, bumped up with some smoky flavor from the mayo and the cheese. The best part, though, are the peppers. Without dominating (note that I have a high threshold for heat), they add welcomed heat and texture to the burger.

So what does Zippy’s No. 11 teach us about sex?

It’s all about kicking butt for a better sex life.

No. 11 isn’t just sporting generic peppers. These are Mama Lil’s Kick Butt Peppers, made with Hungarian goathorn peppers from central Washington. They’ll make you want to kick butt.

Despite all the glamorous images of smoking a cigarette after sex (picture, for example, Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway sharing one after having sex in Chinatown), cigarette smoking is actually hazardous to your sexual health.

Nicotine is a potent vasoconstrictor, narrowing the blood vessels. This can lead to erection issues for men and possible clitoral problems for women. In addition to impotence, there can be loss of libido as well.

Then there’s general fitness. Smoke less, you’ll likely exercise more, gaining stamina for sexual marathons.

And you’ve heard the comparison that kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray? Stop smoking, and you’ll smell and taste better.

Lastly, cigarette smoking is expensive. At ten dollars each, a pack-per-day smoker will spend $3,650 for the privilege. (And this doesn’t begin to factor in the societal costs of smoking.) If you find financial incentives motivating, kick the habit and you’ll have more money for dates, sex toys, romantic getaways, and an overall smokin’ sex life.

These are plenty of hot and spicy reasons to go out and kick butt.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on July 5, 2012.

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