Sexy Feast: Columbia City Ale House’s Tuna Melt Lights Up Your Sex Life

ale_house_tuna_640_8341Recently, I stopped in for a sandwich at the Columbia City Ale House. The menu is full of superlatives, including the best Chicken Sandwich, Caesar Salad, and Reuben Sandwich in Seattle, as well as the best Gumbo “anywhere.” How can a restaurant live up to such hype?

Thinking more humbly and with memories of childhood in mind, I set my sights on the Grilled Green Chile Tuna Melt. Decades back growing up on Long Island, roasted green chiles were the furthest thing from my mind–and from any dish anyone could fathom. At that time, a tuna melt was simple, and simply comforting. Nowadays, I crave spice. At the Ale House, unfortunately, chiles make a rather meek appearance when mixed in with the albacore tuna. But despite the lack of heat, the sandwich was soothing and comforting.

So what does Columbia City Ale House’s tuna melt teach us about sex?

It’s all about melting turn-ons.

When the plate arrives, the first thing you’ll likely notice is the pepper jack cheese oozing its way out of the sandwich. It’s soft and seductive, nicely melted atop the mayonnaise-y tuna and cushioned by sourdough bread. This is a case where you don’t want “melty” to turn waxy.

That said, it’s always good to find ways to wax creative in seeking pleasure.

Sexually speaking, you don’t have to be a pyromaniac to appreciate the ambiance created by candlelight–including the flickering fire, and the dripping and melting wax. Some people, though, like to like to literally feel the heat, enjoying the sensation of the dripping and melting wax dropping on their bodies. Especially if blindfolded (which will alleviate the tension for many, though it may increase it for others), the surprise and the feel of hot wax hitting the skin can be an absolute turn-on.

Just choose your candles carefully (paraffin may be best) to prevent burns, perhaps having ice handy. Actually, adding another extreme temperature can enhance the sexual excitement.

One further note of caution: When wax cools in hairy areas, it’s hard to remove. This is when candle play can turn into an unintentional waxing.

If you can’t stand the heat in this particular kitchen, I offer another option. There are candles that melt into massage oil, burning at a lower temperature than wax. This way, you can still have a hands-on experience with your candles.

And if you’re not melting at all over the idea of hot wax, you can still integrate the sandwich into your sex play, substituting the tuna melt for the pastrami sandwich a la George Costanza in Seinfeld.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on July 12, 2012.

Columbia City Ale House on Urbanspoon

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