What I miss from New York: choices of subway lines, reliably aggressive driving, and attitude. Food-wise, I miss pizza, bagels, and bialys. And good delis. Oh, we have some amazing sandwich shops in Seattle, like Paseo and Salumi. But I’d gladly trade a few of our fabulous Vietnamese delis doing cheap and delicious banh mi sandwiches for a few New York-style corner delis.
Roxy’s Diner in Fremont claims to be a New York Jewish-style diner that’s “real eastcoast on the westcoast.” So I went in recently for a hot pastrami sandwich on rye. It comes with mustard, a choice of sides, and a pickle. The meat, not exactly piled high, was okay, while the bread was soft and falling apart. Still, it satisfied this New Yorker’s cravings.
So what does Roxy Diner’s hot pastrami sandwich teach us about sex?
It’s all about incorporating food into your sex life.
Pastrami sandwich (Roxy Diner’s URL, by the way) is what ruins one of George “The Fornicating Gourmet” Costanza’s relationships during the “The Blood” episode in the final season of Seinfeld. (“I got greedy,” he says, adding, “Flew too close to the sun on the wings of pastrami.”) Distracted by food, he wants to incorporate it into his lovemaking, telling girlfriend Tara that he’s brought strawberries, chocolate sauce, pastrami on rye with mustard, and honey to the bedroom. When Tara questions the pastrami, he says it was featured in a scene in 9-1/2 Weeks–or maybe Ghostbusters.
Her disdain that he’s eating a sandwich stashed in a nightstand (and also trying to watch television) while having sex leads to this exchange at Monk’s Café:
Jerry: Didn’t go for it, huh?
Jerry: So, she didn’t appreciate the erotic qualities of the salted cured meats?
George: She tolerated the strawberries and the chocolate sauce, but eh, it’s not a meal, you know? Food and sex, those are my two passions. It’s only natural to combine them.
Jerry: Natural? Sex is about love between a man and a woman, not a man and a sandwich.
George: Jerry, I’m not suggesting getting rid of the girl. She’s integral.
Jerry: Maybe instead of trying to satisfy two of your needs, how about satisfying one of somebody else’s?
Jerry ultimately scolds George for combining food and sex into one disgusting, uncontrollable urge.
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Actually, though, you can incorporate food into your sex life–if both you and your partner find it stimulating. (Or, if you’re going solo: think American Pie and Portnoy’s Complaint.) Some ideas:
- Enjoy the sensuality of a good meal, perhaps taking the food off the kitchen table and into the bedroom.
- Eat a mango, then use the mango skin for massage. (And note the convenience of other fruits and vegetables being phallic-shaped.)
- Blindfold each other and do tastings. This builds trust and erotic suspense.
- Mimic nyotaimori: sushi on the naked body.
- Ask where to pipe whipped cream for the other person to lick off. (George did have it right with chocolate sauce and honey.)
- Use Altoids for extra tingle during fellatio. (Or play with temperature, alternating hot and cold drinks in the mouth.)
These are just a few ideas. Consider them appetizers.
Remember: Oil in the genital area can break down latex if using protection, while sugar can bring about growth of yeast and bacteria. Towels, napkins, and extra sheets might come in handy with your culinary play. And, yes, you might want to keep a pastrami sandwich in your nightstand drawer to provide extra energy for second and third “courses.”
First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on April 26, 2012.