Sexy Feast: Deep Inside Menchie’s Frozen Yogurt

menchies_640_5859Wasn’t frozen yogurt an eighties thing? (I vaguely remember something called Frogurt…) Well, it’s back, with Menchie’s Frozen Yogurt among many vying for world domination. I watch as kids and adults alike flock to the Queen Anne store, where the “mix, weigh and pay” self-serve formula brings smiles to those wanting frozen treats.

I had to try for myself. Thimble-like sample cups took me from flavors such as pumpkin to piña colada to pomegranate tart. Already feeling full, I settled for a purchasable pour of simple vanilla (versus “very vanilla”) and then hit the topping bars. I felt like a kid in a candy store, basically because I was in a candy store, watching boys and girls pile on fruity pebbles, gummi bears, peanut butter cups, and rainbow sprinkles at the “snackage bar,” mochi and cheesecake bits at the “chill bar,” and then hot fudge and caramel sauce at the “sauce bar” (or whatever it’s called). Spooning a few items from this smorgasbord onto my yogurt, I placed my cup on a table and laughed when I saw it said “We make you smile.”

So what does a cup of Menchie’s yogurt teach us about sex?

It’s knowing what’s inside that counts.

If you think about yogurt, you might be all smiles recalling the Dannon ads showing yogurt eaters in Soviet Georgia living to well over 100 years old. But as you sit at Menchie’s and see today’s kids scooping from their cups, or as contemplate your own cup, is that yogurt really healthy?

Even if choose a nonfat option over something like peanut butter gold, the calories and carbs can add up. Frozen yogurt has the illusion of being health food, but it’s basically a sugarfest. And it gets worse if you dress it up with shiny pearls of snow caps and the like. Put together, that sweet-looking hottie may make you smile, but looks alone don’t determine a sensible choice.

It’s the same with a sexual partner.

Sure, you can have fun–messing and playing around and having a good time, at least in the short-term. But outside looks probably won’t be the basis for a long-term relationship. What you need to do is look inside and get to know your “product” better.

Really getting to know someone takes time. To learn means to ask and to wonder. Considering compatibility means communicating about current realities and future goals.

If you need help with this, let me offer two resources I found on my bookshelf. Intellectual Foreplay: Questions for Lovers & Lovers-to-Be covers a wide range of issues, including sections on “Where Did You Come From?” (gaining background history), “Where Are You Going?” (with chapters on money, work, and future), “Can We Live Together?” (including a chapter on sharing a bathroom), and “Where Are We Going?” (which, besides vacations, holidays, children, and wedding, has a chapter about sex). And speaking of sex, 269 Red Hot XXX-Rated Questions: Super Sexy Ticklers to Tempt, Tease and Spark offers discussion-starter questions from “What movie makes you incredibly horny?” to “Do you trust me enough to close your eyes and let me have my way with you?” to “If you could beg me for anything, what would it be?”

You can bring these books next time you and your lover (or lover-to-be) go to Menchie’s. On second thought, given the number of kids typically hanging out there, bring the first book, and save the second for the bedroom–where it should truly make you smile.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on February 9, 2012.

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