Sexy Feast: Going Down at Blue Moon Burgers

chaffle_640_1057Go to any of Blue Moon Burgers‘ three locations, and you’ll find the menu presents many options for building your own burger. For example, the “Protein” section starts with beef but also includes grilled chicken, turkey, salmon, and a couple of vegetarian choices.

From years of burger-eating experience, I know I strongly prefer a beef patty. The other options, to me, tend to be wannabees.

But my eye caught the current Burger of the Month, and I knew I had to give it a try. In honor of Thanksgiving, Blue Moon is featuring turkey dinner with a twist: a chicken and waffles burger with optional sides of sweet potato fries and a maple bacon shake. (I loved the sweet and savory drink, punctuated by little pieces of bacon which are fun to chew.)

The chaffle, as it’s known, starts with rosemary buttermilk fried chicken, nice and tender. It, along with two slices of honey-cured bacon, is sandwiched between two freshly made onion-and-sage waffles. This “burger” is delightful and delicious, smartly spiked with a smear of maple horseradish mayo.

So what does Blue Moon Burgers’ chicken and waffles burger teach us about sex?

It’s all about the joy of going south.

The chaffle actually offers a “greatest hits” of Sexy Feast lessons. The fried chicken proves that you can encase meat and still experience great pleasure, as we learned from Fuji Bakery’s kare pan. The smear of maple horseradish mayo shows how proper lubrication can enhance the pleasure, just as we saw with Blackboard Bistro’s brisket sliderLike Table 219′s beet salad and cheese sandwich, this burger shows how sticky, sloppy messes are sometimes part of the pleasure. Oh, I can go on.

But when I consider the chaffle, I think about the current popularity of fried chicken and waffles. (Our Seattle Food Geek just gave us his whimsical take on the dish.) Clearly, this combination has roots in Southern cuisine, likely African-American and rural. It’s a decadent dish that’s a special treat, one that’s full of fat and flavor. And proof that it can be good to go south.

It’s the same with sex.

In case you’re not with me, going south is a euphemism for oral sex. Sexy Feast’s stop at Spur for dessert extolled temperature as a trick to enhance oral sex, but let’s step back and first affirm oral sex as a fantastic part of a sexual repertoire. In an era when so many preach about the dangers related to sex, how about we extol the benefits of blow jobs and box lunches?

First and foremost, oral sex expands the menu of sexual play. More choice means more fun. Oral sex offers the opportunity of convenience, as there are times, locations, and situations where it’s a better choice than another forms of intercourse.

Oral sex allows sexual focus. It’s an opportunity to simply receive pleasure, and we all like and deserve that once in a while. (This is why the 69 position isn’t always completely gratifying, as it splits the focus between giving and receiving, or what some mistakenly call “work” and “play.”) In reverse, giving is a way of showing your affection and passion for someone, and wanting to make him or her happy. In fact, some people enjoy the powerful feeling of control they get from giving oral sex, saying it transfers to other aspects of empowerment in a relationship.

I believe oral sex increases intimacy–both physical and emotional. Oral-genital contact is close-up and personal, and typically more hands-on than acts of intercourse. Allowing such closeness is a form of vulnerability that can increase emotional intimacy.

Like sex in general, oral sex relieves stress.

For heterosexual couples, it offers sex without the fear of unexpected pregnancy; for anyone, there’s a little less risk of STI transmission–though herpes, HPV, HIV, and others remain considerations. Semen ingestion is said to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, provide vitamins, and serve as an antioxidant that cures cancer. (I do find it disconcerting that such talk tends to be male pleasure-focused, and await further research to prove the benefits of ingesting bodily fluids of both genders.)

So do citizens of the South like to go south? Certainly, but maybe less so. South Carolina has had some of the strictest anti-sodomy legislation on record. And on the other coast, in southern California, parental complaints about the words cunnilingus and fellatio resulted in a Merriam-Webster dictionary being pulled off the shelves of a school.

Luckily, we’re far north, with somewhat more relaxed attitudes about sex. No need to feel guilty if you want to nibble, lick, suck, and, ultimately, completely devour your chaffle at Blue Moon Burgers. That burger lies in waiting for the rest of month. Fortunately, there’s no such time limit in enjoying a similar eating out experience with a lucky partner.

First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on November 10, 2011.

Blue Moon Burgers on Urbanspoon

Blue Moon Burgers on Urbanspoon

Blue Moon Burgers on Urbanspoon

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