Seattle is experiencing a burger boom.
Among the best of the bunch is Uneeda Burger in Fremont.
Uneeda is a casual new eatery from Scott Staples of Restaurant Zoe and Quinn’s fame, so it’s fair to expect something slightly upscale, but still at an affordable price. A “Classic” burger, made with one-quarter pound of Painted Hills beef, goes for $4.00, while the loaded-with-toppings, one-third pound “Signature” burgers are about double the price. Pictured is the Sonora (with roasted chili relish, jack cheese, and cilantro), with the Classic (in my opinion, simpler is better to initially assess quality) in the background. Both are delicious. If you want to go beyond cow, the regular menu offers a lamb burger, while specials have included elk and water buffalo. Seems like a real safari at Staples’ burger shack.
So what does dining at Uneeda Burger teach us about sex?
It’s all about being prepared to explore and enjoy the great outdoors.
You’ll order your burger and extras (want waffle fries with that?) at the counter, but you’ll need to figure out where to sit while you await delivery.
Inside’s fine, but sometimes it’s even more pleasurable to take the action outdoors. Uneeda, name retained from the site’s former function as a vehicle repair garage, has picnic tables on a patio. Being outside heighten the senses and makes the whole experience more stimulating.
The same can be true with sex. Doing it outdoors can be fun, playful, and adventurous.
But when pursuing outdoor thrills, you’ll want to take a few precautions. For example, you might bring bug spray, as you don’t want little critters involved in your play. Perhaps pack along some protection in the form of sunscreen, too. Similar to camping, whatever you pack in, be sure to pack out, as you don’t want to leave a trashy mess behind. Bring tissues or towels to clean up any liquidy remains. You or your partner might just need to bite on a towel to muffle yourselves to maintain privacy during your moments of excitement.
Speaking of which, don’t expect guaranteed privacy. If you’ve found Eden, others might, too. And if there’s a chance children will be around (especially likely at Uneeda, as our reviewer revealed), don’t do it.
One last thing: If you’re doing it in the wild, you might draw unexpected guests in the form of animals. Once, at what I thought was a secluded spot, I looked up to find a voyeuristic cow staring down while we did the wild thing. Naturally, after the initial surprise, my first thought was, “Mmm…hamburgers.”
First published in Seattle Weekly’s Voracious on June 23, 2011.